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January 10, 2008



Hello Tony

WOW - thats what I call being honest!! I have to say this to you though, I really cant believe that you are the same guy you talk about, doing drugs, cheating with loads of women, and then treating them like that. What I mean is, look at how much you have grown as a person, your tuned into the right channel now, and nothing is steering you away from that. Can I ask, what prompted this complete change in attitude? I know that you've said that your martial arts has been a big factor in helping you focus, but was there a point where you said right enough is enough, Im gonna change, or was it more like over time the penny started to drop?

Ive done stuff that Im not proud of in my life, over the past 6 years, but saying as you are being honest . . .When big Anthony left me, he found another Girlfriend in less than a week. Low and behold I discovered that I was pregnant again. When I told him, he was clear on what his feelings were. I knew that I would have no support (my parents had kicked me out of the house when they found out I was pregnant with Anthony - something which they now regret) and I wasn't in a right frame of mind. I agreed to have a termination. Anthony said that he would be there for me, at all my doctors appointments and when it came to the crunch. Of course he wasn't. He dropped me at the hospital and left me there to face the whole day alone. It was by far the worst day of my life . .the pain physical and mental was too much to bare, and I cried and cried all day. Luckily for me, the nurse that was looking after me, was fantastic, she helped alot. I regretted what I had done straight away, and when I got home, I thought when I was cutting off the hospital band, what if these scissors just slip? It was only an instant thought, but it was scary, and I thought where would Anthony be without me? I still feel guilty today about what I have done, I mean I robbed that baby a chance at life, and I robbed my son of a brother or sister to grow up with. That whole experience has scarred me, and turned me into a shadow of what I was. Ive let it consume me so much that Ive let myself go, and my happy bubbly personality is all but gone - for the moment! I know some people out there are going to think I am a terrible person for what I did. Thats why I didn't tell any of my friends or family, and no one still knows to this day.

However, now its time to work on making myself into a better person again. Thanks again for your advice about healthy eating and exercise, Im embracing it to the fullest, and I feel better in myself already just after a few days!

Thank you for being so honest, and thank you for being . . you!!
Take care of yourself
Lots of love
BEV xxx


you are really inspirational and really honest.hope your training is going well and good luck! also, if you have any workout tips, that would be great.
from how u said you used to be, you have really changed and it must have been hard, but worth it in the end.it's hard to believe that you were that person who did drugs and treated girls like that. what made you decide that you wanted to change? also, its good that you have noticed your mistakes and you are changing now, so that you can try not to make the same mistakes.
good luck with everything! hope everything goes ok.


Hey Tony, All I can say is wow. I admire you for being honest and putting your soul out there for everyone to see it. Let's be really honest though everyone at one point or another was an ***hole in their life. I know I was. You know after reading your post at 3 this morning (couldn't sleep again) I started thinking about my life and I realized that mine is not far off from yours. Of course I realized my errors along time ago and straightened my act up. To give you a glimpse of my life, Beverly don't be hard on yourself about the baby. I got pregnant when I was 17. Didn't realize it because at the time I was having major knee surgery done on both legs and the doctors told me that my periods were being affected by all the medication I was on. Well my boyfriend at the time and my self told my mother when I realized I was pregnant. She took me to the doctor who advised against having the baby because of all the pain killers and the anesthesia twice and all the antibiotics he said that the baby will more than likely come out deformed. So I had no choice at 17 I couldn't deal with it I wasn't ready for something like that. I do still think about it though and say what if. After that it was this same lovely boyfriend who introduced me to coke did that for awhile and quit when I was 25. Of course with the help on NA. I wound up getting arrested at 19 because of that peice of garbage because I didn't know he was dealing and he was using my car and I was told I should know where my car is at all times. I only spent one night in jail and never want to do it again. Years later when I proved to the courts that I was on the straight and narrow and had not gotten into any trouble, not even a speeding ticket the judge gave me a pardon. I wound up leaving him after he beat the shit out of me. I met my husband a couple of years later and things were great. We lived spontaneosly not planning a thing, living one day at a time. That all changed when our daughter was born we had to be responsible adults. 6 years ago I had gotten pregnant with our second child. We were so happy but unfortunately I had lost it and almost my life as well. It was an ectopic pregnancy. When the doctor went in to see what was going on he immediately cut me open because my uterus was about to rupture. I think going through that was rougher than what I went through at 17. Since he passed away I have gone back to spontaneous living again. Since I started doing this I am a happier and more relaxed person. My daughter loves it as well because she never knows what mom has plannned next.

Sometimes I think that if growing up if my mom had a tighter reign on me than I wouldn't have gone through most of that. If she hadn't been the cool mom who let us drink at 16 as long as it was in the house, or let us have boys sleep over. If she hadn't let us do all of that what type of person would I have turned into. I know it wouldn't be what I am now. A survivor! So thank you mom for letting me learn from my mistakes.

Tony you said you wanted to know the one thing I would want if you asked. Well 2 things popped into my head, and no it wasn't money (money is the root to all evil), I grew up a spoiled brat and got everything that I wanted so I know money can't buy happiness. What I would want more than anything would to have my husband back so my daughter can grow up with a father. If I couldn't have that then I would want the courage to tell this guy (the one I e-mailed about)how I really feel about him without him running off. Things are great between us right now and I don't want to loose it. This is why you should never sleep with one of your friends.

Nobody is perfect we all make mistakes the most important thing is to realize your mistakes and fix them before you hurt yourself or someone else. What is that saying to err is human to forgive devine. But before you can expect anybody else to forgive you , you have to forgive yourself and come to peace with yourself.

Okay I have gone on enough for at least now :) Thanks all for listening.

Tony, stay stronge and stay focused. We are all here for you.



Sorry one more thing after everything I went through I turned out fine. Finished college and received my degree as a paralegal. I took the correctional officer test and sheriff test. I scored a 98 on both but the time they called me I was pregnant. I am determined to go back to school and become a lawyer. So you see I turned out okay and so will you Tony


Jenny Simmons


P.S. training is going so great I am becoming a warrior, Thank you all for your help, You all know you are the best, God Bless and keep up the fight

Whats that?? I thought I was the warrior.. Jenny the Warrior Princess..lol just kidding!! no matter what your the kindness person ever and that You can be the best person to!! Congratz to you..Well I kind of can't write today but I'm leaving you a comment because I am just that cool and that I care about you!! Your the best you BEAST!! You KICK ASS!!

-Jenny The warrior Princess!!


Stephanie . . Thank you for sharing your experience. I think it would be hard enough for you to deal with knee surgery at the age you were, but a pregnancy and then everything you have been through since - I completly empathize with you. We both have our beautiful childeren - thanks to God for them! I wish you luck when it comes to your feelings with your friend, I hope that you will be happy whatever you decide to do!

Tony, stay strong, your doing great, and you know your definatly not alone!
Lots of love (again)
Bev x x x x


Hello Sweetheart,
You talk the talk, but do you really walk the walk? One thing I found out in life, beauty is vain, handsome is vain, But the true beauty is in the inside, which nobody can touch, because it belongs to Jehovah, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirits. In Proverbs, Chapter 31, verse 30, Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a women that fearth the lord, she shall be praised. In Ecclesiastes, Chapter 5, verse 3, For a dream cometh through the multitude of business, and a fool voice is known by multitude of words. I have told you this plenty of times, In Job, Chapter 20, verse 2 and 3, Therefore do my thoughts cause me to answer, and for this I make haste. I have heard the check of my reproach, and the spirit of my understanding causeth me to answer. This is one of my reason, When I answer or when I back off. In Job, Chapter 36, verse 2, Suffer me a little, and I will shew thee that I have yet to speak on God's behalf. Do you read the bible, Tony?, and do you understand what Jehovah is saying? The Spirits do talk to you when you do read the Scriptures in the bible. It do not matter about my past. My Heavenly Father told me in Hebrews, Chapter 10, verse 17, And their sins and iniquities will I remember no more. I could tell you millions of stories, Would you believe them? In Hebrews, Chapter 10, verse 4, For it is not possible that the blood of the bulls and of goats should take away sins. You call yourself,"Tony the Bull?" Is it the bull?, or is it the bulls_ _ _ ter? I worship Jehovah. I am not big bones, nor will I ever be, and nor am I skinney. I keep reading that your within yourself in Jehovah place now, do you pray? Are you a vessel or warrior for the Lord? What would you do, even if they perscuted you, because of Jehovah name. I can tell from evil people and from God's Children, when I am up close and looking at them. Evil people have this grime look and their lips curls up ugly, and everything about them, make them look ugly. God's Children have a glow about them and their spirits have peace and serenity in them, which makes God's Children beautiful. Evil people do not like to hear the words of Jehovah, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirits. Jehovah also told me, in Ecclesiastes Chapter 1, verse 14, I have seen all the works that are done under the sun; and, behold, all is vanity and vexation of spirit. In Proverbs, Chapter 31, verse 8, 9, and 10, Open thy mouth for the dumb in the cause of all such as are appointed to destruction. Open thy mouth, judge righteously, and plead the cause of the poor and the needy. Who can find a virtuous women? for her price is far above rubies. You talk about your life about women, like the wild animal that you once were, and you talk about women, as if they all of them were a 1 cent whore. You say,"treat others, like you want to be treated, with respect." Do you know which Book, which chapter, or verse that phrase comes from? Know this, In Ecclesiastes, Chapter 1, verse 8 and 9, All things are full of labour; man cannot utter it; the eye is not satisfied with seeing, nor the ear filled with hearing. The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done; and there is no new thing under the sun. Do you not have any true good thing to say or positive things about women or your X'sss in stories? I rebuke the thoughts of satan. I still worshop Jehovah. In Job, Chapter 11, verse 12, For vain man would be wise, though man be born like a wild ass's colt. For this, I hope that you are standing in the light, because father time do tell on us all, by their words alone. In finishing up, In Job, Chapter 12, verse 3, But I have understanding as well as you: I am not Inferior to you; yea, who knoweth not such things as these?



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As for the I Love New York Finale I personally feel she only chose Tailor Made because he has money and will do anything she says. Anytime they hit a rough patch all he has to do is buy her somethin and she will be happy again. I don't see that as a relationship.

jessica or as you know me playboybitch

wow im shocked the most important thing is that you stood up as a man and admitted to what you did wrong but like most people everyone has issues and everyone has to deal people have cheated and lied done drugs it doesn't make you a bad person im proud of you for changing things someone once told me life is like a rose what really matters is what you accomplish most in life its not what you've done wrong but what you fixed not the mistakes you made but what you did to correct it its not how you make decision its the kinds you make no matter what you do it never really matters its how things turn out after you do them and the thing is some of the things you've done are over ridden by what you have accomplished you weren't to me you weren't an asshole it was wrong but it doesn't make you a bad person you made a bad choice men don't understand what us woman go through when cheated on it hurts but we heal the same as everyone you're a good man and you do great things and you are on your way and thats what friends are here for if you ever need me you can hit me up on my space im always here to show my love i visit everyone in my top friends everyday and leave comments or send messages just remember im here and you can always drop by muah love playboybitch

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